Guest Post: The Flush

Happy Good Friday boys and girls!! Since I have the day off from work…I not going to post anything today. Yes, that makes me a slacker. But don’t worry your little hearts out. My good buddy Robert has offered to post one heck of a story for the day. And just because I love you all, I’ll even throw in my usual (or unusual as the case may be) set of links. Rock on my friend. Now before I turn things over to him, I need to say one thing. Today I’ve got an uber special shameless shout out:

Robert, blog away my friend:

Our story begins on a cold, dark, sinister Friday night…

To begin I must explain the Florida State toilets on campus. When they are flushed it’s like the hand of God reaching out from the depths of the earth to grasp all life and wrench it off to the unknown abyss.

So all was well; we had just seen The Incredibles (great movie) in the Student Life building, and the usual after movie bathroom stop was calling me. The men’s bathroom in the student life building is a very peculiar set-up: 1 urinal and 4 stalls. Now everyone knows that the ratio of urinations to defecations is at least 5:1, therefore it makes no sense to have the opposite ratio of toilets. Either way being the first loser (2nd place) to the bathroom I was blessed with a stall.

Now is time for another visual. I was pimpin the FSU hoodie with the ginormous pocket in the front so I can pack my 9. Back to the story… So while I’m standing there doing my manly duties my phone rings telling me I have a message. What can I say? I’m a popular guy.

I go to grab it to see who loves me… “Stop,” I said to myself, “Don’t do it. You know Dad lost 2 phones by dropping them in the toilet.” So I’m thinkin and peein, peein and thinkin, the whole time clutching to my phone for dear life. Done. I lean down to flush. The orchestra begins the ascending suspense music. I press ever so slightly. Knowing my phone is safe, I go for the full, all-out, balls to the wall flush power.

Then the unthinkable happens. Escaping my thoughts and my hands, MY KEYS!! They were instantly sucked out of my pocket and up the toilet into the FSU sewer system! Oh the irony!

In shock I stumbled back out into the lobby. “What happened to you?” Crockett asked. I said nothing, just gave her a blank stare as a tear formed in my eye. I think I might have uttered something to the effect of “my keys.”

Well the story spread fast through the grape-vine; by the time I had gotten a few thoughts together I had friends calling me to hear the story. I focused some to talk to the maintenance crew, who chuckled, denoting that I was SOL.

By this time it was midnight. That chain held 1/3 of my life (the other 2/3′s are in my phone and wallet) and everything was replaceable except my car keys! AAA covered that one. They sent a guy out to make a key for me; it only took him AN HOUR to get to the parking lot. Then he took my steering column apart, and just for fun drilled a hole in my car. So I got my key back, which is now my one and only key.

Oh yeah, and Kentucky lost in the mean time, which means my bracket is completely screwed. WOW. 1:30am Saturday morning I finally made it back to bed with one key and a great story.

Moral of the story boys and girls:

Flush with your foot.

***End Of Guest Blog***

Money Origami.

Xraye.

Note to self, in Arkansas there is such a thing as over-possession of beer.

Some common ways to kill PCs. Warning: This will A) require reading and b) don’t try this at home or where I work.

Bowman, a classic.

Obviously not in AK: Leading by example.