The Basics Of Flossing Big Yo

Well kids it’s been awhile, but this week I bring you something special. First I’m going to give some love to the weather because right now it’s a sunny, 81 degrees outside, and I love it. Spring and summer are my favorite seasons because all the pretty flowers make their appearance in full bloom. In other news my older brother got married over the weekend so it was fun. Now on to my Ramblings.

I don’t know if the weather or the reappearance of the lovely ladies, or what it is but something has put me in a good mood today. So in honor of the shibbiness of this beautiful afternoon I bring you something fun. Let me preface this Rambling, this isn’t an original idea; this week’s Rambling was from a conversation between myself, RT, and Webmaster J.

This week I’m talking about blinging it up. I’m gonna give the basics of flossing big yo. After years of listening to rap/hip-hop and many hours of BET and MTV 2 I’ve got a good grasp of how it is done. When looking at popular culture we could look at the West Coast, but their rims are too small; or we could look at the East Coast, but they are too grimy. Instead we look no further than the Dirty South. Nobody and I mean nobody shines like South and that’s a fact.

Rule 1) There is no such thing as too much platinum or gold. I know its gaudy and I know that it can be a little overwhelming, but I mean it’s for the kids. Look Baby from Cash Money he’s got platinum teeth. It’s excessive, but I guess it works.

Rule 2) Diamonds, AKA ice, are always in. Like Platinum we can Frost or Ice Out any item, and we can never have too many diamonds on any one object. Kanye West has an iced Jesus he wears. It also socially acceptable to place large diamonds in one’s gold or platinum teeth.

Rule 3) Cars are the ultimate Bling item. I like the teeth, I like lots of gold and frosting everything out, but your “whip” says it all. I’m a firm believer that every baller needs big rims (like 20″ and up) not matter how bad of shape the car is in. The more it shines the more you Floss. To keep you kids up to date the Spinners, or Spreewell’s as they are also known, are still a viable option for one’s ride. Whatever you do don’t forget your system that is louder than a jet engine and three wheel motion is an all occasion’s event. Trucks are very “in” right now especially down in the South.

Rule 4) Accessories make the playa. I mean from the basic iced out tennis bracelets to the custom dog tags; they all add value. However in recent years bigger and more unusual items have been used. Lil Jon uses a Pimp Chalice which adds a new flavor to the idea of being “King of the South”. While a new up-and-coming rapper by the name of Stat Quo wore custom belt buckle in a photo for Rollingstone Magazine. Regardless of the type of personal bling you throw on remember it needs to make a personal statement and has to be very noticeable.

Rule 5) Dress attire is dependant on the situation. In the South quality solid white t-shirts and dark baggy or sagging jeans are the in style. Also I need to make a public stand on Jerseys and Throwbacks. Throwbacks have lost a lot of their awesomeness because the market is flooded with them. However more obscure jersey’s are still very cool (ex. an Iron Head Hayward Falcon’s Jersey); the more obscure the better (ex. just for you Noles fans how about a Burt Reynolds’s FSU Jersey?). I personally feel that the best throwbacks are from the NBA, heck Josh Smith won the dunk contest wearing an old ‘Nique jersey, try finding a Bill Russell or Wilt jersey those are classic.

While this collection of tips on how to be a proper playa is far from definitive it should give you kids a basic starting point to begin “Riding Big”. As you go throughout the week think “if it don’t shine it ain’t mine”, and as former WWE Superstar The Godfather once said, “Pimping Ain’t Easy.” I hope I helped and you kids have a great weekend.

Until Next Time

- Captain Matt