Poke It With A Stick

Yes, yes…I’m still alive. Although a bit on the barely side it seems. I do so humbly apologize for the lack of posting goodness over the past two days. I do believe that’s the longest unscheduled non-posting stretch in this history of JoshuaStarling.com. I promise that I have a good excuse which can be summed up in one word:

Auditors

Before I go into details, I should probably define what exactly an auditor is: Au-di-tor: n. – 1.) A person, acting either alone or in a group, that comes to your place of business and examines all your procedures and policies. 2.) Someone who requests a mountain of paperwork only to tell you that you are doing everything wrong. 3.) A professional that takes sick pleasure in making near impossible requests.

As used in a sentence by a person who shall remain nameless: “Hopefully the auditors will be considerate and use Vaseline.”

FYI: They don’t.

Yes, behold what is quickly becoming the bane of my IT existence. If it wasn’t for the fact that I only encounter auditors once, twice at the most, a year; we would have a new arch nemesis today. The funny thing is that the auditors are actually here to rectally examine Accounting. But thanks in part to the wonder of technology and computerized accounting (and the fact that are camped out in the office across from mine); I get the roto-rooter as well.
Despite these unpleasant experiences, I have learned a few things that I will pass on to you should you ever encounter an auditor:

1.) If it’s not on paper, it doesn’t exist. A verbal affirmation and handshake doesn’t cut it anymore.
2.) No, a pen and sticky note doesn’t cut it for #1. Furthermore, in some cases an Excel spreadsheet isn’t good enough.
3.) Don’t give them any more than what they ask for. If an auditor makes a request and you say, “Do you want [insert what seems to be a brilliant idea for more data here] as well?” Congratulations sport!! You’ve just created yourself more work.

Then on top of all of that, my boss’ boss’ boss is on site for two days.

Not to mention that I had to write seven programs for my Java class and I had a headache for four days straight.

Can I get a w00t w00t, l33t l33t?

[shameless]
Today’s post is dedicated to the sweet, sweet Lauren. After having what could only be described as “a Monday from the foul dark pits of hell”, I had a little sumthin’ sumthin’ in my mail box from her: Wookie Cookies. Lauren, you rock and really brightened my day!! High fives all around!
[/shameless]

“Agent Hurley, I want you to give this scumbag a cavity search! I’m talking Roto-Rooter! Don’t stop until you reach the back of his teeth!” – Agent Fleming, Beavis and Butt-Head Do America

OSLD: Today’s waste of time flash game.

Do Over – Strongbad Email #130

The Nerd Watch Muesum.

Overrun: The final chapter.

Woman tries to pay for stuff using stolen checks that belongs to the clerk.

How to brew beer in a coffee pot.

The self-referential aptitude test.

How not to protest unfair treatment of students.