SQL Salvation and Geo Jesus GT

This may be my most sacrilegious post to date, but I cannot help but share some of my ponderings with everyone.

The other day Joshua and I were driving somewhere in the car. The location isn’t important, mostly because I don’t remember where we were going, but I had an epiphany about how the Jehovah’s Witnesses believe that only 144000 people will go to heaven. I thought about how instead of a Book of Life, when you get to heaven, St. Peter looks you up in a database. Given the limitations of Microsoft Access – the whole 2 GB size and 255 fields limit – I could see where only 144000 people would fit into this database. This might have been expanded slightly if they were to design the database efficiently with separate tables related to one another. The multi-relational database would be fine as long as all of the tables were one to one relationships, but I am pretty sure that the Jehovah’s Witnesses are against one-to-many and many-to-one relationships. It is still a shame they did not use SQL Server instead.

I also began to ponder some of the things we do as Christians. Aside from wearing crosses around our necks, which to the original Christians is probably like somebody wearing a charm of an electric chair or a syringe used for lethal injection, (of course the cross has endless significance, but the original Christians might argue that the focus should be on the resurrection rather than on the crucifixion), there are things like driving with a Jesus fish on your car. I had a Jesus fish on my first car. I’m sure that whenever I was speeding, cut somebody off on the road, ran a yellow light, or did a “California stop” at a stop sign, anyone who saw the Jesus fish excused it thinking “oh, that’s alright, he is probably just running late to church or Bible study.”

I didn’t put a Jesus fish on my second car. Instead I put an emblem that said “JESUS” on my car. It was right there on the back of my car. One the left side of the trunk it says “Suzuki.” The “Jesus” emblem was directly across from the “Suzuki” emblem, so, looking back, I can almost envision God looking at me saying, “Boy, you drive a Suzuki Swift GT, not a Suzuki Jesus GT.” What makes it worse was the fact that I had a GEO (for Geocaching) bumper sticker on my car. Several people have mistaken the car for a Geo. I wonder how many people thought I drove a “Geo Jesus GT”.

Sorry if you are offended by my musings.
-Artie


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