Just The Facts Ma’am

I’ve seriously had quite a few people ask me if I knew why we had so many hurricanes this year. I’m not sure if they assumed that since I’m in college, I have a well rounded education that extends to environmental and weather related studies. I mean, I am going to FSU after all and that line of logic would make sense. Or perhaps they knew I had a man on the inside. Who knows?

However, this isn’t the case…but I have stayed in a Holiday Inn Express before. Plus I’m armed with l33t internet research p0wnage abilities. So making full use of those skillz, I have prepared my response to that question:

(Ahem)

After much research and countless nights without sleep, I’ve come to the conclusion that the primary cause of the increased number of hurricanes is due to global warming. Now most people are quick to point out the ozone depletion, increased number of motor vehicles, developing third world nations, etc… as the primary causes of global warming. Upon further investigation, I found this not to be the case. So jump off the hippie bandwagon peoples and listen up.

While the previously mention causes may play a role in the overall global warming problem, I actually found that the root cause started all the way back in the 1820s. The advent of the steam engine and the industrialization of the major nations led to a sharp decline in the number of pirates. That decline is directly related to the increasing average global temperature. I’ve plotted those data points below to show this alarming trend:

Also, I realize that this data may be a little abstract, but please direct your attention to the chart below. This clearly supports my claims:

In closing, I’m going to send my report to NOAA and the UN and suggest that we bring back the pirates in hopes of reversing the alarming trend.

Have a fun, safe, and hurricane free weekend everyone!!

In honor of today’s post: Useless facts.

Gravity.

Use of taser not advised when target is covered in gasoline.

Spoil Everything: Your resource for spoilers.

Worm.

Ancient Greek computer reconstructed; apparently runs on Windows MXI and suffers the blue tablet of death.