The Journey

Ok kids, so I know this isn’t my year in review, and I also know that I promised this a long time ago. But hang in there with me and I promise you won’t be disappointed. Today’s post will answer the amazing question: Where was I for a month?

Well as a few have noticed I disappeared from the website for about a month or so and since my triumphant return to the “New World” I’ve been questioned over where my journey has taken me too. Here for the first time is my journey that lasted a month.

While driving to South Florida (the homestead of a few of my more lovely and adoring fans), I was carjacked by a group of South Florida natives who held be captive until I was able to escape back to the main highway. Unfortunately I was forced to leave my 2 Mexicans to their on demise.

From there I decided to catch a flight to the small African Nation of Congo, very similar to Marvel’s Savage Land. The thing that stuck out to me about the Congo wasn’t the giant mosquitoes or the dinosaurs or the rebel army that was camped three miles south of me, but the people there were really nice. They were also slightly more civilized and spoke better English than the South Florida locals.

After about 2 weeks of intense jungle fighting and dinosaur wrestling I decided it was time to start my trek back to the U.S. of A. So I left the tiny war torn nation and headed East like Marco Polo for more peaceful lands.

After 19 hours and 2 connections I reached the beautiful island of Japan. I spent 3 days walking around Tokyo snapping pictures and staring at buildings. On my third day, I was waylaid by a gang of Yakuza thugs. Unfortunately the bandits stole my large black camera with a lovely zoom lens along with all of my adventure photos.

So in an effort to regain my possessions and pride I began my samurai training. My master was a hard man, but rumor has it he eats bricks so he can crap mansions. However my dojo was destroyed in a bizarre fire that’s cause will forever be unknown and my training came to an immediate and indefinite halt.

With a bruised ego and a surgically reattached leg (Master stared at me) I headed back to South Georgia and home.

Well kids you asked and there it is print so it has to be true. I guess this is where I give all my kiddies some love. A special shout out goes to Jackie-Jo-My-Favorite-Ho, apparently had a dream about me the other night. I fully realize most if not all of my beautiful lady fans (and a few of my male fans) do on a regular basis have dreams about me. And I respect that, but a special Howdy goes to her. This One’s For You JJ.

Have fun this week and don’t run with scissors. As the greatest anchor ever once said, “Stay classy Planet Earth.”

- Capt. Matt