English Pub Etiquette

Why do partiers insist on making non-partiers party? Don’t get me wrong I don’t mind going out, I usually have a lot of fun when I go out, but there’s a difference in going out and going out as a partier.

I don’t drink normally, but here I’m of age so I can go out if I want, and I really needed it on Friday. To relax I normally like just chill out, but everyone here goes out, so therefore I must go out if I don’t want to be a complete outcast. We started by going to dinner. I was with two of my friends, and we were meeting other people later. I was really hungry, and I don’t drink normally so my thought was “drinking would be a bad plan right now.” so I had a water. At this point in the story I’ll interject some points of pub etiquette:

1. You order everything at the bar…and the person who picks up your plate is not a waitress so drag your lazy butt back to the bar to order another drink.

2. If you happen to be in a pub on the queen’s birthday, make sure you know “God Save the Queen” because there’s a good chance they’ll break into song.

After my friend dragged us around Oxford, we met her friends at another pub. This one was nice and relaxed. You could sit down and talk without having to yell at each other. My roommate’s friend that she had met on earlier bar trips and his friend took us here. Interesting thing about his friend: like 20th inline for the throne. Now you may think this is a load of crap, but he didn’t tell us this himself. After last call (which is way earlier in England) we went to a bar for students. I had had my one drink of the night at the pub, so I was thinking I’d just chill. After about an hour, Jim the Jock (that means he’s Scottish…Stew, the royal family kid explained it to me as an Old English term that means men of the hills. They’re suppose to be big strapping guys I assume, which is why the term is applied to our athletes…the only Jock part about this guy was that he was Scottish) decided to buy the whole group a drink. I had already been thinking I wanted to go home by this point seeing as how it was 1 AM and I’d just bar hopped, and didn’t really want to drink anything more. I order a half pint of Guinness. NEVER expect a drunken Scot to remember your drink order. He comes back with a pint of some drink that the other girls were drinking. Now I had been told when they left and I was holding my roommates that it was designed to go straight to your head. I took about 7 sips of the thing. Not only was I upset that it wasn’t what I ordered, but well…it tasted like cough syrup.

My friend Caitlin is a Sorority girl. Up until Friday, she had always been cool with the fact that I don’t really want to drink. That girl got a few in her and suddenly it’s all “don’t leave…there’s an after party” and “at least finish your drink.” She also told me that when the two guys we were with, who were astounded that I don’t normally drink and that I had never been drunk, asked me about that, I should have told them “there was this one time that I was completely wasted.” I’m sorry: I don’t care what people think of me. I don’t want to go to an after party; I’d rather go home change out of my ash tray smelling clothes, and go to sleep. I don’t have to finish my drink. I don’t care about party fouls. It’s not what I wanted and I’m already feeling it because I’m already so tired I’m shaking (it’s a weird thing I do…ask Matt it drives him crazy). Plus the sorostitute will have no problems taking one more drink, so it’s not going to be wasted. AND, all the other girls were talking to guys. I’m boring…I don’t do conversation with random people, and I’m not looking for a random hook up, so I’m not into flirting.

Why should I stay?