Ow, My Liver

Just over two years ago, we embarked on a mission. What was this mission? To achieve what I consider to be one of the most awesome merit badges in the world of manliness. Forget helping old ladies across the street or making baskets. I’m talking about man merit badges for killing a deer with your bare hands or defending your home against a Viking raiding party. It’s during those moments that you can put your feet into the shoes of men like John Wayne, Lee Marvin, and General Patton. For a brief, fleeting moment…the shoes fit.

Last night, the shoes were sung my friends.

Yes, that’s right, we finally conquered the World Beer Tour at B*Merrells. We each had to take on 130 beers from around the world. Please allow me to write that out for you: one hundred and thirty…beers…conquered. And our merit badge? Our names inscribed on the hallowed Wall of Foam. The holy grail of beerdom if you will. If this was Britain, we would have been knighted by the queen herself I tell you. That’s Sir Joshua to you.

With the Wall before us, I took a minute to reflect on our journey and the trail of broken beer bottles and empty beer cans. After all, it isn’t often that one achieves this level of enlightenment. I realized that like most journeys of this undertaking, it was not without hardships.

Such is the B*Merrell way.

Over the course of our two year journey, we’ve lost every single beer wench that was decent to us. Meghan, Caroline, Laken, and Kim (who’s been MIA for quite some time). All the good sassy ones that could handle our lighthearted, jerk natures We even lost dear, sweet Ms. Carla who exerted a slightly jaded grandmother-like presence over us. She would always come around, ask how we were doing, make sure we had a DD or two, and then precede to ask us what we though of our beer selections for the evening. She would even sniff our bottles. But you know she wanted to to turn one up.

Lately, we got increasingly crappy waiters/waitresses, long waits, and poor beer selections. The poor beer selections was killing us.

But we persevered, kept our eyes on the prize, and snatched the pebble from the master’s hand.

Raise your glass everyone!

Wheel of Lunch.

Escaladeby.

Prankster reprograms highway sign to reflect what everyone else was thinking about NASCAR.

The Gaffer.

How to De-cutter Your Desk.

Woman knocks down 19 mailboxes, drags trash cans under car until pulled over because: A) She was drunk. B) She was having seizure. Or C) Her cat Monty died that morning.