Joys of Home Ownership #2

Critters.

Specifically, armadillos.

Before I get into the story, I need to get a quick side rant out of the way. One would think that living in a state capital, I wouldn’t have to worry about seeing possums, raccoons, or dang ol’ armadillos in the town. Wrong. Seriously, I’ve seen more of the aforementioned wildlife in Tallahassee than I did in back woods Climax, GA. No, really. I even had a fox run out in front of me the other day. I think this just proves the fact that Georgia should annex Tallahassee and Florida should just move the state capital elsewhere. And while they’re at it, everything south of Miami goes to Cuba.

OK, back to my story. Last night Kari let the dog out before we went to bed and the dog went chasing after something in the dark. Kari came back in, grabbed me and a flashlight, and we went in search of the mysterious something. After looking up in the trees at the end of the cul-de-sac, we started looking around on the ground. That’s when Kari spotted a hole with a tail sticking out…the tail of an armadillo.

Which would explain a lot…like the hole under our fence and the other holes scattered about the yard. My first impulse was to shoot the thing. But then I realized that A) I live inside the city limits and B) (brace yourself) I don’t have a rifle. Yes, that’s right…I don’t have a rifle…specifically a .22 in this case. Because that’s that solution to armadillos in Georgia: sitting on the roof and sniping with .22 rifles.

So then I turned to my good friend Google to see what it said about armadillo removal. Seriously, no kidding, the first article’s solution was: .22 rifle. At first I figured I could clam that was threatened…the armadillo had rabies and it was coming right for us. Afterwards I could, you know, slip it a few Alka-Seltzer. But I figured that wouldn’t fly. Then I thought I could just throw a few firework mortar shells down the hole. But of course…I live in the state where everything but sparklers are illegal and I’d probably burn down the neighbor a la flaming armadillo. That would be my luck.

At any rate, I’m open to ideas. The more creative and redneck the better. Preferable something that would make MacGyver proud.

Steps of Life.

DX Hockey.

How bees see flowers differently than humans.

Hardest Video Game Bosses of All Time.

Turbo Spirit XT.

Farmer attacks police with muck spreader.