Animal Kingdom

The other night Kari and I were rocking out on Guitar Hero III when the dog started going crazy in front of the sliding glass door. I look over to see an opossum casually shuffling across our deck. No hurry. Just a late night stroll. Even the dog barking, whining, and jumping around didn’t even really faze it. A few seconds later it just lumbered along. Not a care in the world.

Oh, it would have one care if I had a .22 rifle handy…and that whole living in the city thing. I seriously think gun laws should be suspended if you have critters like that on our property. In my case, I would have to open range hours since I share a back fence with a private school.

But I digress.

Last night as I was just getting to sleep, I hear a crunch, crunch, crunch outside under our window. It wasn’t much of a safety concern since our window is about 10 feet from the ground. But it was dang ol’ annoying. We looked out the window but we didn’t see anything. Kari went and turned on the outside light, but whatever it was scampered under the back porch. She turned off the light and it came out again. That time the dog heard the critter and went nuts. So I went back, turned on the light, and waited in front of the window to see if I spot the varmint.

I waited and waited and never saw it…but I could hear it moving around under the porch.

Now I think I’ve got an opossum living under my porch. Before I went back to bed, I considered my options:

• Get someone to come and trap it.
• Get a trap to do it myself.
• Make a delightful cocktail of antifreeze and dog food.
• Burn down the porch.

As soon as I can get home before the sun goes down, I’ll look under the porch and see what I can find.

Hopefully it won’t be full of teeth and claws and giant rat-like tails.

NPR now provides streaming music.

Blockout.

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N3wton.

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