Ain't Skeerd,

Joshua

PS - One more thing, you put two periods after Mr. Try to catch that next time.

Until next time,

Joshua

P.S. Yes, it did defeat the point that I could see your email. Since you seem new to this, I know a few stalkers I could recommend to you for tips and ideas (cha...cha...cha...).

What up dawg!

Okay, so maybe this time I won't be so forward and open with my comments.  I'm sure the good senior appreciated those remarks.  (I'm still LMAO...and well on my way to the fiery beyond.)

So now, on to some explanations.  The only reason I rescue 20+ cats is for the ladies.  As you very well know, I am not a cat person.  I share your same beliefs when it comes to the feline species.  But hey, you gotta sacrifice some of yourself in order to obtain the glory, eh?  Oh yeah, we both know (being self acclaimed pyros) that it's really the pile of cat stuff that started the blaze, anyways.  Usually the combination of methane with a faulty liquefied petroleum or natural gas line can create quiet a volatile situation.  All it takes is a flick of the light switch and all grief breaks loose.  Thus, we are called to action.  But you know, the local Chinese gourmet will pay top dollar for key ingredients for his #35 so all is well.  I've just yet to figure out exactly how much 3500 yen is actually worth.

- big daddy c-14


Dear Rescuer of Cats,

I can assure you that the good senior found much humor in your previous remarks. Maybe not as much as his youngin did. He realizes that civilians are often in the line of fire when it comes to war. Furthermore, I can also assure you that you are well on your way to the fiery beyond. You should probably look into getting some frequent flier miles. 

Today we salute you, Mr. Rescuer of Cats. You are a true American Hero. Not only do you have the testicular fortitude to run into burning buildings to save people, but you also take one for the team to save cats. Mustering up everything you got...and then some...you brave hundreds, no thousands, degrees of hotness for a mangy beast. So crack open an ice-cold Bud Light, fire boy. You know the way to a woman's heart…even if it means saving her 50 cats. 

So that's it for me today boys and girls. You keep writing and I'll keep BS'ing.

The one, the only,

Joshua

P.S. 3500 Chinese Yuans = 422.86 US Dollars. You're getting a good deal...a really good deal in fact. Here kitty, kitty, kitty....

Yo Man,

Okay, I just had to e-mail you on this one. So, Mr. Regular, you're a ripped six-foot-six 180 lb. firefighter?!? That's my line. It is a pretty good one, though. Except, I really am a firefighter. Yeah, by now I guess you figured that eventually I was gonna stumble upon this one, huh? I will offer you some advice, though (so you can keep your story believable). Saving babies does nothing for the ladies. It's when you continuously run in and out of a burning building saving some 70 year old's 20-odd cats that really turns the ladies on. And if you really want to turn up the heat, you gotta perform CPR to the last one you find because odds are it's gonna be the one hiding beneath the couch and it's gonna be suffering from smoke inhalation. That, my friend, makes you the man.
 
One other thing I wanted to mention, the Senior's party wasn't Hello Kitty! themed. It was the Power Puff Girls. And yes, it went well. Nothing like a Power Puff Girls DVD and a happy meal to charm the young lady. (Yes, I understand I'm going to hell...but I knew that well before this comment...you'll have to ask Matt about that one...and my apologies to Rachel and Lauren as well...this doesn't imply anything towards them.) Okay, I believe I said way too much so I'm gonna call it there. I'll give you a holler later, dawg.

- big daddy c-14 (aka the guy formerly known as the AP)

p.s. I'm leaving it at your discretion on whether or not you want to share this one with the Senior. Personally I think it's hilarious. I also know that he's gonna kill me if he finds out. Just remind him that I have a speed-pass to the fiery beyond and that they've stopped giving me shirts and even key fobs and coin purses but I now own 1/10% in stock.

p.s.s - One other thought, since you can't share the fire betties with the senior you can always send them my way. There's always enough of big daddy to go around...just like Wal-Mart...always. Later.


Dear The Guy Formerly Known as the AP,

You pose quite a conflict of interest my friend. I don't have any problems saving little old ladies from burning buildings. As a matter of fact, its one of my favorite pastimes. But to save 20+ cats to impress the ladies...I don't know. Its not that the fire betties are worth it, please don't get me wrong. The idea of me risking my life to save some mangy beasts doesn't sit too well in my books. Why? Because cats are evil. End of story. Cats are the only domestic creatures that I know of that will take a dump in your shoes if you piss them off. And you know that little old lady hasn't cleaned up in years. That equates to roughly 3 inches of cat crap coating the floor or in litter boxes. And that's like throwing 4 tons of buffalo chips on a fire or stepping on an incendiary landmine. I'd say let the ones that still have 9 lives make it out on their own and the rest, well, give Mr. Wong from the Chinese place a call. Let him know that his #35 is ready.

Also, thanks for setting the record straight about Heather's birthday party. The Senior sure knows how to show a youngin a good time. Finally, I'll do what I can to send the ladies your way. Although, I highly suggest that you stay away from the Wal-Mart when it comes to meeting women. I've heard some horror stories along those lines. In the meantime, keep it real big daddy c-14.

Over and out,

Joshua

Hmmm. Makes you think, no?
-Artie   (Eh, Arr, Tea, Aye, Eeee)

Do I sound bored?


Dear Bored and Stranded,

You've come to the right place for answers to technical questions and solutions to boredom. It just so happens that I work in the computer field and I'm constantly bored. So lets light this candle shall we?

As for your clock problem, I highly recommend that you stop using a Mac. It has blurred your sense of reality into thinking that computers should be fun and easy to use. Stop listening to their propaganda and stick it to the man by using a PC. This will give you an accurate, more appreciative view of life. You'll also develop fine problem solving skills, patience between reboots, and decoding skills with the error messages. Not to mention important lessons like, "Constantly saving your files" and "Spending money for upgrades". All of which will prepare you for life, especially when dealing with women. If not, then just drag the clock/taskbar to the top of the screen or better yet, duct tape a Rolex to the top corner of the monitor. You'll be the envy of the entire office.

As for your boredom problem, that could be a little tricky. Given the current state of internet monitoring, its a little difficult to waste three hours on that medium. So I highly suggest paper clips and rubber bands. The possibilities are endless. Magnets and staples are also a classic distraction. But if you want to look busy, I suggest typing out your last will and testament on your word processor or doodling on your TPS reports. You can also rearrange the keys on your keyboard into alphabetical order. And depending on the composition of your cubicle, freshly sharpened #2 pencils and copy paper make for instant darts. Take it a step farther and use the paper clips and rubber bands mentioned above. If all else fails, drink 5 cups of coffee and see what your caffeine induced imagination comes up with. 

Just follow those simple steps and you'll have no problem passing time looking cool at the office. Upper management here you come.

Until next time,

Joshua